Why?
by Lily Thorne
Summary: Yuki goes to Neal the night of the Ordeal to ask him a few questions . . . and tell him a few things. SONGFIC, ONE-SHOT


One-shot fic, please don't ask for a sequel, I don't think it needs one. Changes were (unfortunately) made. I apologize for the loss of lyrics.

* * *

"Yuki?" Kel said, a question in her voice.

"Excuse me for a moment, Keladry," replied Kel's companion. She got up and closed the door behind her. Kel stared; she suspected the girl was up to something.

Yukimi noh Daiomoru walked down the halls from the royal wing towards the Lady Alanna's rooms. Nealan of Queenscove was housed there. She had to be quick, there was so little time left. The Ordeal would be starting soon, and he would have to leave for his vigil. She hurried now, her light tan slippers making light slapping sounds on the ground. She looked at the doors, her eyes flitting over the names until she found the one she was looking for.

Lady Alanna of Trebond

Squire Nealan of Queenscove

Neal was sitting already in the Ordeal's cold, stiff fabrics when Yuki opened the door. Her brown eyes were disturbed and her ebony hair was tied in a tight knot at the back of her head. His green eyes took in her brown-and-gold kimono, embroidered with pale green swans. Her slippers were a tan color that matched her outfit.

"Yuki?" he asked quietly, getting up. Normally, he would have jokingly asked her if she had come to confess her undying affection to him, but she looked serious.

"Neal . . . I . . ." she dropped her head. A small tear formed at the corner of her eye. It began the slow, grueling journey down her smooth, unpainted face a moment later. She had only just realized that Neal was courting death by this. The memories of beautiful Joren's body being carried from the Chamber of the Ordeal flooded her mind. But it was not Joren on the stretcher . . . it was Neal.

"Why?"" she whispered. Neal knew immediately what she meant. Why did he have to go through with the Ordeal? He looked at her, unsure of what to do with a crying female. He couldn't help thinking she could look good even whilst crying. Finally, he moved forward, and put a long arm around her shoulder. She looked up into his worried green eyes.

"Sit," he commanded, pointing to his bed. She looked at it for a moment, but moved forward and sat down. She noticed he was starting to pace, something she had never seen him do. She also noticed they could not get past single syllables tonight.

"Yuki. Why do you want this marriage between Roald and Cricket to go through?" They had gotten to the point where everyone used nicknames.

"Because the treaty will help create harmony between The Yamani Islands and Tortall," she replied. What did that have to do with her question?

Neal nodded, and sat down next to her.

"It will help, but won't stop all the problems, will it?"

She shook her head. What was he getting at? Kel had told her that Neal could take awhile to get to a point, and even then, sometimes there was no point. She hoped that wasn't what this was.

Neal held up a hand, and magic fire collected in his palm. "Alanna taught me to heal, but also to kill. Both are strong powers. Life, death, peace, and war all combine. Now while we prefer life to death, sometimes we have no choice. But in war and peace, we do."

She stared raptly at Neal. She almost grasped what he wanted to say, but it eluded her, hiding at the corners of her mind.

"I'm becoming a knight to help make that choice. I may have to fight in war, and I may die in war, but I'm trying to create peace."

Yuki smiled. She understood.

Sudden and unbidden, the image of Neal on the stretcher came to her mind. She gasped and turned into his chest. Neal sat stunned for a moment, but quickly came to his wits and wrapped his arms around her.

Neal looked at the plump, usually cheerful Yamani woman who was currently snuggled into his chest in terror. She was beautiful, even when tearful. A few strands of ebony hair had fallen out of the knot at the base of her neck. He reached out hesitantly and curled them around his finger. He wished he could stay longer like this with her. Her body was warm, and she smelled of cinnamon. She looked up at him. Could she tell him? Kel's words echoed in her head.

_. . . Foreigners don't know any better . . ._

"Love you," she whispered. Neal looked at her, shocked. He never thought she would feel the same as he. She was different from his other loves.

"I love you too, Yukimi," he whispered back, kissing her forehead. As he pulled back from the gentle touch, Yuki leaned up to take his mouth with hers. He smiled behind the embrace as his mind fell away and he let himself make a thousand promises with that kiss. He WOULD come back, and they WOULD be together. After a long moment, they broke apart, breathless. He looked closely at her, and saw the pain in her usually mischievous eyes. The Yamani woman felt at her hip for the fan she almost always had, only to realize she had left it In Kel's room.

"What?" Neal asked, tipping her chin up with a strong hand. She looked down, unsure of whether or not to say anything. Her Yamani nature was still close, but the need to ask Neal her question pressed harder.

"What will happen if, if . . . you . . ."

"Die?" Neal asked. "Well, I really don't know. None of us do. But I know what I'll miss."

"What?"

"Well, you, for one thing. My father, Kel . . . everyone, really. Especially you though. And I'll miss being out in the forests, and playing tricks on Kel and the Stump."

"Tricks?" Yuki asked.

Neal gave a easy laugh. "Jumping out of trees, hiding tack . . . I try to keep those off duty though."

Yuki's eyes crinkled, and she snuggled deeper into his chest. Her questions answered, she could stay a moment wrapped in his warmth. His chest heaved gently underneath her head as he breathed, it soothed her to peace. She wondered how long she had been here. It felt like a long time, she should be getting back to Kel's room. Neal gave a sigh, and she gave him a questioning look. He didn't answer. She looked closer, and saw he was asleep. His green eyes closed and his brow peaceful.

He looks so happy, I wish I could share that with him, she thought. Wriggling gently out of his arms, she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and walked away.

The slam of a door woke Neal, and he looked around. Yuki had gone, it was probably her who slammed toe door to wake him. A quick look out the window told him it was time.

* * *

_. . .Neal stumbled out, his hair and the undyed cotton garments he wore were dark with sweat. His face was gray, his green eyes hectic and red-rimmed as if he'd wept. Lady Alanna wrapped a blanket around him and led her former Squire toward the door. They were passing Kel and Yuki when Neal halted and turned toward them. There was a question in his eyes for Yuki. The Yamani girl looked down, then drew her folded shukusen from her obi and offered it to him, dull end first. Neal took the fan with trembling fingers, then let Alanna guide him out of the chapel._

_That night, when the King knighted him, Neal wore Yuki's delicate, deadly shukusen in his belt . . ._


End file.
